Siamese Shrimp Recipes
Wow, That Is So Punny.
Every month, a postcard arrives in the mail from one of the largest realtors in Tallahassee. Without fail, their advertisements continue to instill consumer confidence with some of the most strategic advertising work in the region, building a solid brand on respect and trust.
Click thumbnail to view postcard.
Though I seriously doubt our little company has the mental capacity or the time needed to produce this kind of direct mail piece (nor do we have the kinds of Photoshop skills displayed in the postcard), we have taken a stab at creating a few ideas they could use over the next six months:
- The money's always greener on our side of the fence! (photo of realtor team holiding 50 pound bags of compost)
- We'll handle all your real estate crap from start to finish! (photo of realtor team carrying shovels)
- Buying or selling a home? Look on the bright side! (photo of realtor team with extreme sunburns; they are obviously in pain, and moistening each other's backs with aloe)
- If someone you know bought the farm, we probably sold it. (photo of realtor team dressed up as farm hands, as if they were the cast of Hee Haw)
- There's no place like a new home! (photo of realtor team wearing ruby slippers)
- We sell for profit, so you can paint the town green! (photo of realtor team in painters outfits)
“Pour me another glass Lee,” Craig hiccupped, “I got how to design our new ad.”
Craig and Lee:
Let me start by saying that I love Market Street Liquors. It's where I purchase booze for the whole family before I head out on vacation. Words can't express how important they are to our quality time together.
That being said, here are a few words advice. If you designed this ad, either hire someone to do it, or purchase more ad space to accommodate your "Picks". If someone you hired designed it, give them a jug of your finest Carlo Rossi and tell them to be on their way. I don't even think your lawyers could read this.
See you in a few weeks. Vacation's a-comin'.
Click thumbnail to view ad. Ad was scanned at 100%.
Couple Run Over by Rollercoaster Car; Photoshop to Blame
Nothing instills confidence in amusement park rides more than placing a happy young couple in the path of a speeding rollercoaster car. The ad for the North Florida Fair features the last known shot of the couple together with their dog Ed, a large stuffed toy breed.
The most disturbing part? Click on the thumbnail and check out the woman in the front seat.
Harvard Study is Old Hat
The Associated Press reports today that “Red wine keeps obese mice healthier … without the pain of dieting.” Harvard researchers fed mice high-fat diets and “huge doses of red wine,” but, the story goes on to say, they don’t know if the combination would work in people.Haven’t humans have been doing that for years? As a matter of fact, I know a few people who choose KFC over salad, and red wine over Zoloft. The results are impressive, but far from mice-like.The report, however, leaves out an important fact — whether the mice are American or French. After all, everyone knows the French suffer fewer incidents of cardiac disease than Americans, even as avid consumers of huge doses of cheese and wine.To determine if the diet would work in people, the FDA can simply mandate that red wine be offered at McDonald’s, KFC, and Burger King, make sure there’s more cheese content in each menu item, and perhaps install an XBOX or Sony Playstation at each table. If the plan works, we’ll see a decline in obesity. If it doesn’t, the Atlantic and Pacific Oceans will finally merge above the weight of our sunken continent.
2006 Flu Season Plagued by New Danger: “Germoroach”
What has six legs, antennae, fangs, a crisp exoskeleton, and a bad attitude? No, it's not your mother-in-law, it's a new strain of germ known only as germoroach.
Depicted here by an anonymous Tallahassee Democrat germ artist, its bark is bigger than its bite, researchers say, "but white blood cells don't know the difference. They just head for the hills, and who could blame them? They're just circles. They have no way of defending themselves."
"What are they gonna do," one microbiologist said, "turn into squares? Ooooh, scary."
Seen here at 2,000 times its actual size, germoroach's modus operandi is simple. Forida State University researchers say it "literally scares white corpuscles into the small intestine and out the body."
"Germoroach is a genius herder. They wrangle white corpuscles and lead them wherever they please. Unfortunately, they lead them where your body can't make use of them."
So what can be done?
"Same solution as every year," one local doctor says, "get your flu shot. And maybe talk a little trash to the germoroach. They really do scare easy."



